This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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