Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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