Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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