this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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