Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just high enough for therapy.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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