This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
that is very illegal...i love you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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