It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
