so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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