Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
