'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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