I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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