When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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