i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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