U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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