god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
