there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Everyone says I win the strip club
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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