You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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