I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
