planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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