so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
