I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
