were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
someone owes me an orgasm
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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