I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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