I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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