i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she peed on how many people?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
