Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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