If i come over, it means nothing
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
