Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i came on her dog
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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