At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
