i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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