I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
