i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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