I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
