I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
