I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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