Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
