I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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