i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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