Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize