Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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