i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
