he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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