I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
