your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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