He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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