i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
my liver is dry heaving
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
