I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
