Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
