My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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