I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
