i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
