It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
