This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
