trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
