Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
