New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
