My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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