no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
