I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize