whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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