how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Randomize
