So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
