Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
