It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we're making bets on your personal life
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
