we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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