my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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