I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize