why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
