remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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