I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
