I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize