I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
