I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
