she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
