ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
