I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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