I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
