well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
