The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
