Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Michael Bay diarrhea
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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