it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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