Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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