I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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