Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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