I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
