There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Brb crying the tears of my youth
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm always down for nudity.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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