is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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