I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
