I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
