Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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