3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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