My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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