I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
