all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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