I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
