Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
