I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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