even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
