It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
