guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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