the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
