While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
