Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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