So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
