i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
