So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize