Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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