The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you would pick up someone in the library
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
