Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
