Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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