cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize