Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All the doctor said was why
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
