Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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